How to tell someone they’re being annoying without being rude?
Have you ever come across someone who has the most annoying habits ever? Have you ever gotten so exasperated* you just wanted to scream? Well, that’s something we’re all guilty of. But how do you tell someone they’re being annoying without coming off as rude?
Look no further! Here at FluentLife, we tell you how to do exactly that in three simple and easy steps. Read on to find out how. Happy Learning!
So, let’s start by taking a basic situation that all of us can relate to, and work from there.
You’re sitting next to a partner in class, but they won’t stop tapping their pen against the table and it’s really distracting.
(or)
You’re trying to come up with new ideas during a brainstorming session, but your co-worker won’t let you contribute to the discussion.
Read on to find the overall flow, specific vocabulary, phrases, and expressions that can be used for an effective and fluent conversation on this topic. Right below is your guide to having an engaging conversation!
A conversation has specific phases that it goes through. Here is a quick look at what we guarantee you, to have a smooth conversation.
Content : What is it that you are going to talk about?
Use the wh questions along with the keywords to help you put together the content.
- What is the annoying habit? – Table tapping, chewing loudly, talking loudly etc.
- Why don’t you like this habit? – It’s distracting, impolite, unbecoming* etc.
- How can (anyone) stop this habit? – Cease tapping, talk softly etc.
- Why is (anyone) doing this habit? – Gotten used to it, Helps them concentrate etc.
- When do they perform this habit? – In the classroom, while eating, talking etc.
Choosing Contextual Vocabulary
Choosing contextual vocabulary to suit the scenario you’re talking about can be very important when it comes to giving depth and clarity to what you’re trying to say, as well as piquing* your partner’s attention. In this case, you’re talking about a habit you dislike.
Listed below are a few words and phrases that could come in handy while elaborating on the habit. Additionally, the meanings of a few starred (*) words are given at the end of this article that you could also use!
- Tendency
- Instances
- Habit
- Listening skills.
- Pet Peeve*
- Forgetfulness
- Repeated performances of habit
- Understanding
- Responsiveness
- Communication
- Relationships
- Cues*
- Uncomfortable/Discomfort
- Stress
- Body Language
Similarly, given below are a few descriptive words and phrases that you could use to make your conversation more interesting!
- Distracting tendency to continue a habit.
- inadvertently* irritating.
- Clash of personalities.
- Unaware forgetfulness.
- Unresponsive to criticism.
- Poor communication skills.
- Lacking empathy
- Uncaring attitude.
- Ignoring body language cues.
- Lack of awareness for others’ requirements
- Behaviour
- Inconsiderate actions.
- Kindly request (a change/modification of habit)
- Reaction to remarks.
- Ignoring speech cues.
Organizing the Content : Putting it all together to create a comprehensive picture
Now that we know what to talk about and the words to use, let us put them in a logical order.
Initiate the conversation by talking about a particular instance when you were particularly ticked off by your other person’s actions.
‘Hey, I don’t mean to be rude but I thought I’d just say something about your pen tapping in class.’
(or)
‘Hey, please don’t take this the wrong way, but it would be really nice if you could let me give my input during the discussion as well’
Express your discontent over the act.
‘It’s really distracting, I’m not a big fan of it.
(or)
‘I would like it if my opinions were acknowledged during group discussions’
Talk about why you dislike the particular act , be specific– here are 5 examples of things you could say
- I find myself unable to concentrate in class because of your constant toe-tapping.
- Please pay more attention to what I have to say because it’s hard for me to talk to you otherwise.
- You keep interrupting me without ever letting me finish what I’m trying to say.
- You constantly invade my personal space, I don’t like it.
- You keep talking in class, I can’t hear what the teacher is trying to say.
Give your partner suggestions on how he/she could do things differently – here are 5 examples
- Please stop tapping your pen in class, it’s distracting and I can’t concentrate.
- I’d prefer it if you let me finish before you start talking.
- Wouldn’t it be nice if we heard what other people also have to say?
- Could you talk a little softer, I find myself unable to understand what the teacher is saying.
A model answer would be as follows :-
Hey, I don’t mean to be rude, but I just thought I’d bring up something I’ve noticed in quite a few of our conversations. You keep interrupting me while we talk . I would like to finish what I’m trying to say. I’d prefer it if you let me finish what I’m saying before you start talking.
(or)
Hi, please don’t take this the wrong way, but there’s something I’d like to say. You keep tapping your pen against the table during class, and due to the sound, I can’t concentrate. Please stop your pen-tapping so I can pay attention. Thank you very much.
Meaning of starred (*) words
- Exasperate – Frustrate.
- Unbecoming – Inappropriate
- Pique – Arouse interest.
- Cue – A hint or indication about how to behave in particular circumstances.
- Inadvertently – Unintentionally
